Sexuality and Spirituality, Pursuing Integration
188 Pages
English

Sexuality and Spirituality, Pursuing Integration

-

188 Pages
English

Description

"This book is a response to such questions as: What is sexuality? Spirituality? How are they interrelated? What is healthy sex--and, how can we achieve it? Are there different kinds of sexuality? What are female-male similarities and differences? What is the sense and nonsense of marital and nonmarital sex, heterosexuality, homosexuality, masturbation, sexual addictions, and abstinence?
"My goal is to construct a model of sexuality and spirituality that engenders more health and satisfaction. My method is phenomenological. Theological truths are not explicitly included--I am a psychologist, not a theologian. Nevertheless, theologians and religious leaders across a broad spectrum have assured me that my vision is not incongruent with theirs and that it can serve as an infrastructure for their studies. My hope is that what follows will help married, single, and vowed celibate people to cope with, grow from, and enjoy their sexuality."
--from the Preface

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Published 21 April 2005
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EAN13 9781725242999
Language English

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SEXUALITYANDSPIRITUALITY, PURSUINGINTEGRATION
William F. Kraft, Ph.D.
Wipf & Stock Publishers Eugene, Oregon
Wipf & Stock Publishers 199 West 8th Avenue, Suite 3 Eugene, OR 97401
Sexuality and Spirituality, Pursuing Integration Copyright©2005 William F. Kraft, Ph.D. ISBN: 1-59752-150-7 Publication Date: May 2005
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
For Kylie and Bill
TABLEOFCONTENTS
Preface............................................................................................... ix
1. Stories of Sex.................................................................................. 1
2. The Sexual Person........................................................................ 12 Sex and Sexuality ........................................................................ 12 Dimensions of Personhood ......................................................... 15 The Spirituality of Sexuality ........................................................ 18 Healthy, Good, Normal, Mad and Bad ....................................... 20
3. Primary Sexuality......................................................................... 24 Female and Male Existence ......................................................... 24 Experiences of Primary Sexuality ................................................. 28
4. Affective Sexuality........................................................................ 35 Experiences of Affective Sexuality ............................................... 36 Heterosexual Intimacy ................................................................ 41 Friendship ................................................................................... 44 Romantic Love ............................................................................ 45 An Affectionate Disposition ........................................................ 49 Chastity ...................................................................................... 50
5. Genital Sexuality.......................................................................... 54 Healthy Genital Sex .................................................................... 54 Motivations for Genital Gratification .......................................... 58 Satisfaction, Pleasure, and Fun .............................................. 59 Ecstasy .................................................................................. 61 Validation ............................................................................. 63 Amelioration ......................................................................... 66 Yearning to be Whole ............................................................ 67 Power .................................................................................... 69 Other Motivations ................................................................ 71
6. Negative Coping.......................................................................... 74 Negative Defense Mechanisms .................................................... 74 Repression ............................................................................ 75 Denial ................................................................................... 77 Rationalization ...................................................................... 78 Fantasy .................................................................................. 78 Insulation .............................................................................. 78 Isolation ................................................................................ 79 Regression ............................................................................. 80 Projection ............................................................................. 80 Displacement ........................................................................ 81 Over-Compensation ............................................................. 82 Reaction Formation .............................................................. 82 Undoing ............................................................................... 83 Sympathism .......................................................................... 83 Acting Out ............................................................................ 83 Gratification ............................................................................... 84
7. Positive Coping and Integration.................................................. 86 Suppression ................................................................................. 86 Mortification ........................................................................ 87 Discipline ............................................................................. 88 From Repression to Suppression ........................................... 89 Sublimation ................................................................................ 89 Anticipation ................................................................................ 90 Friends ....................................................................................... 91 Integration .................................................................................. 93 Gender .................................................................................. 94 Fantasies ............................................................................... 95 Positive Amplification ........................................................... 96 Humor ....................................................................................... 99 Prayer ....................................................................................... 99
8. Pursuing Abstinence.................................................................. 101 Abstinence ................................................................................ 103 A Continuum of Abstinence ............................................... 104
The Sense of Abstinence ........................................................... 105 Psychosocial Consequences ................................................. 108 Spiritual Consequences ....................................................... 111 Lust .......................................................................................... 113
9. Less Than Healthy Sex............................................................... 117 Nonmarital Heterosexuality ...................................................... 118 Masturbation ............................................................................ 121 Dynamics ............................................................................ 122 Sense and Nonsense ............................................................ 123 Homosexuality .......................................................................... 124 Theories .............................................................................. 126 Pseudo Homosexualities, Homophobias, and Friendships ... 129 Responding to Homosexuals ............................................... 131 Pornography ............................................................................. 133 Sexual Pathologies ..................................................................... 134 Pedophilia and Ephebophilia .............................................. 137
10. Helping Self and Others.......................................................... 141 Helping Sex Addicts .................................................................. 145
11. Sexuality Through the Life Cycle............................................ 148 Childhood and Adolescence ...................................................... 149 Emerging Adulthood ................................................................ 154 Established Adulthood .............................................................. 157 Mid-Life Adulthood .................................................................. 159 Middle Aged Adulthood ........................................................... 162 Elder Years ................................................................................ 163
Epilogue......................................................................................... 167
Terms Frequently Used.................................................................. 169
Bibliography................................................................................... 172
PREFACE
O ver four decades, many men and women have shared their intimate lives with me. Whether these people were educated in the “old days” be-fore the 1960’s or in the more recent “new days,” they often experienced sexuality as problematic or disappointing. Most of these clients, colleagues, and friends were formed and in-formed according to fragmented rather than wholistic paradigms of sexuality. Many of their approaches maximized the biology and psychol-ogy of sexuality, while minimizing or excluding its spiritual dimensions. Although such models were (and are) popular, practical, and easily learned they still lack the depth and values necessary to practice healthy and holy sexuality. Other models have focused on moral standards for sexual behavior, while lacking empirical, clinical, and cultural support. These religious, theological, and philosophical approaches offer strong visions for good living, and are often weak in giving concrete ways to implement them. In short, increasingly more people are dissatisfied with these and other mod-ern and postmodern approaches promulgated in mass media, education, and culture. This book is a response to such questions as: What is sexuality? Spiri-tuality? How are they interrelated? What is healthy sex—and, how can we achieve it? Are there different kinds of sexuality? What are female-male
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similarities and differences? What is the sense and nonsense of marital and nonmarital sex, heterosexuality, homosexuality, masturbation, sexual addictions, and abstinence? My goal is to construct a model of sexuality and spirituality that en-genders more health and satisfaction. My method is phenomenological. Theological truths are not explicitly included—I am a psychologist, not a theologian. Nevertheless, theologians and religious leaders across a broad spectrum have assured me that my vision is not incongruent with theirs and that it can serve as an infrastructure for their studies. My hope is that what follows will help married, single, and vowed celibate people to cope with, grow from, and enjoy their sexuality. Gratitude is offered to Pat Frauenholz and Elizabeth Thompson for their patient collaboration and diligent typing. I am especially grateful to the clients, students, friends, family, and God who shared their stories and helped me make secular-and-sacred sense of sex.
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