CHILDREN’S AGGRESSION – IT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW

CHILDREN’S AGGRESSION – IT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW

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&+,/'5(1¶6 $**5(66,2N±IT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW It is a fact that sometimes our children behave aggressively. They get upset, start toyell, hit, push and throw things. And this behavior begins to happen from an early age. The first impulse of the adults in such moments is to stop thebad behavior by punishing the child, in order to show them that this is inappropriate and it should not be repeated in the future. Imagine thatyour child is hittingchild another because they pulled their toy away. If we intervene in that moment andyell orpunish the child, we will add more anger to their initial anger from losing thetoyin that case it is and most likely thatthe child will redirect that anger towards theparent. As a result, not onlythat we did not stopthe bad behavior, but there is a chance for it to escalate to a huge scandal. What should we do in that case? /HW¶V ORRN DW LW WKLV ZD\ 7KH RQH WKLQJLQ FRPPRQ WR DOO IRUPV RI DJJUHVVLYH EHKDYLRU LV WKH IROORZLQJ in that moment the aggressive child is feeling a negative emotion. Maybe the child felt offended, upset, scared or ashamed. Any emotionfrom the negative spectrum could cause an aggressive behavior in children(this applies to adults as well). The mistake we often make is that we tryto deal with thebad behaviorinstead of dealing withthe emotion which is the root cause for the behavior. The stronger the emotion, the more ineffective are our attempts to curb the bad behavior. People cannot control their emotions.

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Published 28 March 2017
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CHILDREN’S AGGRESSIONIT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW©
It is a fact that sometimes our children behave aggressively. Theyget upset, start toyell, hit, push and throw things. And this behavior begins to happen from an early age.
The first impulse of the adults in such moments is to stop the bad behavior bypunishing the child, in order to show them that this is inappropriate and it should not be repeated in the future.
Imagine thatyour child is hittingchild another because theypulled their toy away. If we intervene in that moment andyell orpunish the child, we will add more anger to their initial anger from losing the toyin that case it is and most likely that the child will redirect that anger towards theparent. As a result, not onlythat we did not stopthe bad behavior, but there is a chance for it to escalate to a huge scandal.
What should we do in that case? Let’s look at it this way. The one thingin common to all forms of aggressive behavior is the following: in that moment the aggressive child is feelinga negative emotion. Maybe the child felt offended, upset, scared or ashamed. Any emotion from the negative spectrum could cause an aggressive behavior in children(this applies to adults as well). The mistake we often make is that we tryto deal with thebad behaviorinstead of dealing with the emotion which is the root cause for the behavior. The stronger the emotion, the more ineffective are our attempts to curb the bad behavior. People cannot control their emotions. Theyjust occur as a result of our reaction to what is happening all around, but we could control the waywe express them.
The need toexpress the emotionwells up inside is absolutel that yMoreover, compilin normal. gnegative emotions is unhealthy. Children react instinctual because theyknow other wa don’t ys to express the feelings ragingin them. The adult’s role is not topunish the child and tryto limit them in expressing their emotions, but to teach them how to deal with them, without hurting others.
How can we teach the child that? First, we will have help our child with how to deal with their emotion by showing them that we understand how theyare feelingin that moment. We can show that byverballyexpressingthe name of the emotion theyare currentlyfeeling. For example: “I see thatyougot veryangry(upset, scared here, we willjust need to “recognize” our child’s emotion), because theypulled the toyawayfrom your hands.” That’s it. In that moment, there is no need for us to criticize them that they are not behaving well or to advise them. At thatpoint, the most important thing for the child is to feel understood.(In cases where the child showsphysical aggression, it is necessaryto stopitfirmlybut carefully). Ifyour child starts explaining toyou what happened, listen to thempatiently, again, without criticizing. If not, you can cuddle them if possible or just wait until they calm down. If you can resist the temptation ofgiving theman advice orpunishing them after theycalm, are you will feel their gratitude.
Second, after the child has calmed down, theywill be able to hear whatyou have to say. This is the time, whenyou can set limits and boundaries on their behavior:what not to do even if we are angry, and what is allowed. What allowed ways of expressing anger can we offer to the child? Here are some of them: First, to use words. Letyour child learn that when angry, they can say it or evenyell it by usingwords! Second, are thepermitted actions. An effective wayat home is togiveyour child apaper and pen and to tell them: “I see thatyou are angry, show me how much it is!”. The child could hit a punching bagtear papers from a pile of newspapers specificall or y put aside for that these methods areparticularly useful when the child isyoungcannot ex and press themselves verbally. That waythrough actionsuch as tearing, scratchingon apiece ofpaper, hittingapunchingbagor a pillow,jumpingan empt on y cardboard boxchild can unload their destructive ener the gy, but without hurtinganyone.(Ifyou ever wanted to slam the door behindyou or to break something,you know what kind of destructive energywe are referringto). The rule is that words as well as the action relieves the emotion and decreases its intensity. Finally, let us remember that children, learn from what theyare shown and not from what theyare told.Ultimatelyit comes down to us,the parents. If we tell them that it is not nice to be rude and to yell or to hit things, but we act that way; that will be ineffective. In other words, we have to think about how we react when we are angryand what theysee and learn from us? If we don’t have solid skills in managing ouremotions, we should start with ourselves.