Punch or the London Charivari, September 9, 1914
39 Pages
English
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Punch or the London Charivari, September 9, 1914

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39 Pages
English

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The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch or the London Charivari, September 9,1914, by VariousThis eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and withalmost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away orre-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License includedwith this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.orgTitle: Punch or the London Charivari, September 9, 1914Author: VariousEditor: Owen SeamanRelease Date: November 29, 2008 [EBook #27360]Language: English*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***Produced by Neville Allen, Malcolm Farmer and the OnlineDistributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.netPUNCH,OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.Vol. 147September 9, 1914.CHARIVARIA.The Deutsche Tageszeitung says:—"Our present war with England shall not be done by halves; it is no war to bestopped by 'notice,' but by a proper settlement. Otherwise the peace we all desire would be both rotten and dangerous."Your wish shall be respected, Deutsche Tageszeitung.The fines which Germany has been imposing so lavishly on towns and provinces will, a commercial friend informs us,ultimately prove to be what are known in City circles as "temporary loans."By the way, The Globe tells us that the Kaiser was once known to his English relatives as "The Tin Soldier." In view of hispassion for raising tin by these predatory methods this title might be revived.The German threat that they will make "Gurken-salad" of the Goorkhas, leaves these ...

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The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch or the London Charivari, September 9, 1914, by Various
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
Title: Punch or the London Charivari, September 9, 1914
Author: Various
Editor: Owen Seaman
Release Date: November 29, 2008 [EBook #27360]
Language: English
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***
Produced by Neville Allen, Malcolm Farmer and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol
. 147
September 9, 1914.
cseheDtuseezT gaRIVACHAThe RIA.on tebd no eybh h England shall erp tnesraw tiw unitsag :ysur"Or serope a pt by 'ubci,en'tob  yedpptoes btor wa on si ti ;sevlah rottend be botri eowlua lld seacpewee e ise thtO .wreheltttnemung.gerous." and dan hhsla loYruw siedctDe,  rbepeessegatiezcstuT eh
The Thinker. The Thinker."You say this war don't affect you: but 'ow, instead of a British copper sayin', 'Git aht of it,' would yer like one o' them German johndarms to keep proddin' at yer wif 'is baynit?"
The Gibraltar Manner. "Gibraltar Life Normal. Ladies Making Garments."
Partridge shooting began last week, but poor sport is recorded. The birds declare that it is not their fault. They turned up in large numbers, but there were not enough guns to make it worth while.
We hear that some of our Nuts have volunteered to serve as regimental pets.
"Carry on" is no doubt an admirable motto for these times, but the Special Constable who was surprised by his wife while carrying on with a cook (which he thought to be part of his professional duty) complains that it is misleading.
A proposal has been made inThe Globethat all "alien enemies" in this country shall be confined within compounds until the end of the War. Suggested alteration in the National Anthem: "Compound his enemies."
It is stated that the German barqueExcelsior, bound for Bremen with a valuable cargo, has been captured by one of our cruisers. It speaks well for the restraint of our Navy that, with so tempting a name, she was not blown up.
Strangely enough, the most heroic single-handed feat of the war seems only to have been reported in one paper,The Express. We refer to the following announcement:— "AUSTRIAN WARSHIP SUNK By J. A. Sinclair Pooley ExpressCorrespondent."
A number of the more valuable of the pictures in the Louvre have, with a view to their safety, been placed in cellars.La Giocondais to be interned at an extra depth, as being peculiarly liable to be run away with.
Meanwhile President Wilson is being urged by innumerable tourist agencies in his country to stop the war before any more historical buildings are demolished.
We give the rumour for what it is worth. It is said that, overcome with remorse at the work of his vandals at Louvain, the Kaiser has promised when the war is over to present the city with a colossal monument of himself.
By the way,The Globetells us that the Kaiser was once known to his English relatives as "The Tin Soldier." In view of his passion for raising tin by these predatory methods this title might be revived.
The German threat that they will make "Gurken-salad" of the Goorkhas, leaves these cheery little sportsmen undismayed.
The fines which Germany has been imposing so lavishly on towns and provinces will, a commercial friend informs us, ultimately prove to be what are known in City circles as "temporary loans."
ht dos ee-lucnamatipg inthLu.Seraldnt ah tnia  nage uncoutherBreaerg ehtht yBret oftgie t usFaf ht ecu ht ahaldnde ot maebt ur dwwelpeteand Stru.r
It looks more like three new names. Q.I hear the Sugar Refiners are raising cane? A.That's because they haven't yet got the German beet. [Awarded Gold Medal and Banana Skin for worst joke of the war.]
Now the creed of Nietzsche, base, unholy, Guides the nation's brain and guides it solely. Now Mozart's serene and joyous magic Yields to Richard Strauss, the hæmorrhagic.[1] Now the eagle changing to the vulture Preaches rapine in the name of culture. Now the PrussianJunker, blind with fury, Claims to be God's counsel, judge and jury. While the authentic German genius slumbers, Cast into the limbo of back numbers.
Footnote 1:(return) Great play is made in Strauss'sElektrawith the "slippery blood" motive.
The Late "Kaiser Wilhelm der Grosse." First Student of the War.Why did they call it "Kaiser William the Grocer?" Second Student.Don't know. I should have described him as a Butcher. "PETROGRAD. New Name for the Russian Capital. Petrograud (St. Petersburg), Tuesday. By Imperial order, the city of St. Petersburg will henceforth be known as Petrograu." Evening Standard.
HETWO Tehriz ae lof relarning.Such the na ,ae dninrdnEgssleon hr ou tbyidgnH,lo hhth girch e toruthof T su tnahrieht nilethea desag pss seers af poets,W,ohe cndns gasenan onti Ghemaeral eo dncnO!ht eonOfmatisfortranfot ir ts ipt ehvear.MESNIMAER G rettu eht suoll
O.S. The Red Cross Society is in need of help. Gifts should be addressed to Lord Rothschild at Devonshire House, Piccadilly.
eka s owdrA,dnL ove go out to opd eneineeL,diP t ptyrcieyoe liu .Tediw ne etag ehe if lofedorstreno slaC  ylesorCatThon lfirid,ceoldos ca filefb- still,Orshippedon ot tfig eerf atthy ;BstriChf sdo ownuht eti hed willR's hvarydeenofr an hand h a  yloirhsT,en,Who serve as inp al yhtie raptrsyt ha two, olmbgis ssoryb ,hA.ner t,Unded Che Rva e drbaetrfoh inTod fas aneartelh egtnva etah the .YSSRO CED REHT ROFaceruo rk onW,ohse t thoin yhat  ehTdaefo esuacau c achplo  tsei  navniW,ti hus voice could askdeenehT,i eron suc surcoen mn  i,Tlefao nd aho wts egnor,eradam der wher.And yonref eidleca onhteithl tiuns estlseR,llot yldi taay fey md thd,Anaeelebh tr s ruhCsevrevoruo gnE nd aha sowllra goh woyrus sietsrlish dead,Think korBsevaretsey ebae the  w'slettwot ern iwtfehs o'erday ,Wheheadt eh yot eownusdou.Out ook for y kcos foht fhs espg rseatthainer oohtbt  eed whtfide,Con duenouryeht sdnuow eht Thr,ea wlyudro ps and sears,Theyc mo eiwhtb doeiscs rearAnd,cod  tnu ehtruohht sscre,Of g shaminna dle l,dnShsra fedchate thm roht ekomsdnilb ta
I"e tovancack, attknw t ih yda eammmCon ia fr,deant dias "ssurP ehloidgnu  phte
A BRUSH WITH THE ENEMY.
 Berliner TageblattWar Map.
"One moment, Sir," interposed the Chief of Staff, "the supply of captured alien women and children is exhausted."
"Then," said the Commander, "we shall be forced to confront the enemy's fire without the usual screen."
"Why not advance under a flag of truce?" suggested the Chief of Staff.
"I am loth to violate the canons of civilized warfare," said the Commander, "but really there seems no other way, unless— unless—— Here! Hand me a telegram form. I have an idea."
The Commander wrote rapidly for a minute. "Send this at once," he said, "and pre-pay the reply."
In an hour the answer arrived. The Commander tore it open with eager haste. "We are saved!" he cried. "The advance commences at daybreak to-morrow." He tossed the telegram over to the Chief of Staff, who read:—"Am forwarding immediately per special train 1,000 foxes as requested.—Hagenbeck, Hamburg."
And the Kaiser, reading the Commander's despatch later in the day, mailed his Super-strategist the insignia of the Order of the Double-faced Vulture.
Americans mustno tofgrtet ah toLt budoI ot nnd utsre dna .ti ehTat m" The meay bof rna tru ,uhomedintaonony nl o"drow e.niavuoL,nD .rM Ctahlpia to draweuchler,nialH .t on pmocy  murCoe avldtoiegntab  dht ,nan bee cather so  tnrub saw niavupsootrn maer Gbyes dtcelB deiglend aiv fhue rend xeBglai namoysrHuns.Tuesday.Si eht fo  naissuRn  omyfartpae th nottnoi snit ih Div theatteine stfaTh.  batakre eh  tasireisa gon Blutgtenant va  tiLues enredead hemthofe On. spoort tnallag yby mhot en se beh vaegsrlialnav had ans feon cveopu derrht mih non Ce Ir. HorossneidswlpoG dld ynoe eGblmaercon nmulaH .t evgeleraphed my suprem eocgnarutalitnoah egalliv a aisy  bntur benbes d ruaisnuRssht e. Thttlea baing  gnit nib sivaheMos.ayndseheay dtstadet .tIi  sast Prushat in E eeth vapaehelrgthe  to  andTsarp seirtn gnitnioeu ntod ou caltrna dumtsb  etspois is monstrous,es ea tnorp tsetd pe oate.ncav H. A ture cul anditnoilasicivni g cita;icerAmm rof emoc sah ylpering barbs spreaduRssaii uo thttasps adremaer inyerehG sasiraw ,mailior fnt f bursi eocng oergnt ont  abeo  tre adna dedrabmob ect read nHave jus kybP orboelb ooyoitGef pesuorrielle .tcnamrtni særataC nnbi ,aHAlexal, r,HoandeL rossefohtnepmu pho wr,ths vero,nA ttli ana deGnghis Khan were ,remriV ,ligahS pekse,arap Neoolcrem oot era snarmGerndemoe  wat rhtf ae sotesme He ans.Germall er tcnocon eey tangiars he tel Bur,ef rod uotbt is is noiful. Th wurOy.ulrfdeonsretsamdadsruhT.God-eir inteappot  olide shtsua boh s atd an EandeedT .sD owsinaits magnificent n va yoctnnieu s ans ireBee ialgfitsen-feedn a de, butwicked rach le phthtG dos'demae  bllha seyt dnatsrednu ot ic gthetympahe st eh sfoneseneltreG  namrahcetca Br. tutsno r eetaa am nniu inofrm is an inconcec elbavirow emirlyony th Eanf  ohsamgnilehl .nT enanieuts hat haerocev ripat lotinto hosd to go tnemeH .t lutaershs efamomfrhi tebr la l dhs nnaermaue Ga tr is eerht deredrO.ydaesdnWed.dearewe razed to the gc taehrdla sotb maw  onyinrdy arnuorF .degrooh tstroende Allyed.hcsehcru eebh vaivunh ncestisiernaigleB erF dna .seau cur ono yltnedive si D vini elbseisgnious troops. Thep llsaelym erolg sbet.hohi Twis batii hnt  onastbe b to  andurnt naigleBsegallivrel ald g ininmal il who ws,rkTu htiw gnihtyreve armheirth te wivrnenietlt yhsroalr Hil Gok fod ot snahtuhc ehcrrranged .Have a.srFdiya semcreiler dedns suoigiHa. ea Smaom cve nladli mrna leGces ervie heto b evaneebtnes ot ling tshwlra heren snit ehN rohtthe bottom by miocnula l thstui gioureliand termrutaS.secivres sredeore avHy.dac luuter neGmrnabe allow,cannot s sstemo .deelnUnedobo anghis  iglant En abod is osutut idna enIs.opro t bs,hi T na gnieo kcattay to help German yots rpaecdviliatisn iod ane thpsoG .leraeHaht 
Imperial Patron of Art. Scene—Louvain. Imperial Patron of Art."Don't trouble about architectural details; just get a broad effect of culture." [Awell-known battle painter of Düsseldorf has been commissioned by the Kaiser to make studies of the present campaign.]
INDIAFOR THE KING INDIAFOR THE KING!
Sunderland Daily Echo.
"The Rev. N. J. Poyntz, M.A., is appointed a chaplain on the Bengal Establishment. Add to European Crises."—Pioneer. It can't be as serious as that.
It must be a very fierce one to have bitten through its lead.
"Lost, Appendix, heart shaped, short chain attached. "
 Glemaeradn ncvaG .erenev laS nochweinehund was nic moamdno  fht tllwis el Bcheaton muigdliubot lage vil thes ino  fw yassbi aoposlarub b ev neestreav h; nte thirev nuo eebned rve. Thit to staliv naigleB neT nbee bvehas gela fhtemo  .oSrutns hatanthabie innatoeh rrtuipm hy has witnessed  delmreGa na.ymrr foe thghhiou-sadnuS.REad-oT.y ORYIADISKAA F