Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158,  1920-03-31
41 Pages
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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, 1920-03-31

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The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, March 31, 1920, by VariousThis eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and withalmost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away orre-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License includedwith this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.orgTitle: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, March 31, 1920Author: VariousRelease Date: September 22, 2007 [EBook #22725]Language: English*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***Produced by Matt Whittaker, Jonathan Ingram and the OnlineDistributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.netPUNCH,OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.VOL. 158.March 31, 1920.CHARIVARIA.We were glad to see that two of our most important Universities were again successful in obtaining first and secondplaces in this year's boat-race. (As this was written before the race we crave the indulgence of our readers if ourprophecy should prove incorrect.)Bradford Corporation is selling white collars to its citizens at sixpence a-piece. How the Labour Party proposes tocombat this subtle form of capitalist propaganda is not known."I have been knocked down twice by the same bus, but fortunately have sustained no serious injury," stated a plaintiff at aLondon police-court the other day. The bus in question, we understand, will be given one more try, and in the event offailure will be debarred from all further contests of the same nature."Quite ...

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The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, March 31, 1920, by Various
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, March 31, 1920
Author: Various
Release Date: September 22, 2007 [EBook #22725]
Language: English
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***
Produced by Matt Whittaker, Jonathan Ingram and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 158.
March
31, 1920.
n depeapanar oceniwoot geht dus is feared that, I t
Our horticultural expert informs us that during the next two or three weeks all wooden houses should be carefully pruned.
M. Charles Nordmann states that the world will end in ten thousand million years. It will be interesting to see if America will refuse to take part in this as well.
There is some talk of the Americans having a League of Notions of their own.
"Large dumps of valuable material which is slowly rotting are to be met all along the main road in Northern France to-day," complains a morning paper. A responsible Government official now admits that whilst motoring in that district last week he noticed that the road was bumpy in places.
A weekly paper is offering a prize to anybody who discovers the oldest living fish. It is just as well that no prize is offered for the oldest dead fish.
The Hon. John Collier will shortly explain why he painted the famous picture, "The Fallen Idol." If only some of our minor artists would be equally frank.
Saturday afternoon funerals have been stopped at Bexhill. We are very pleased to note this, because if there is one thing which mars the enjoyment of the week-end it is being buried.
At Question-Time in the House there was trouble over the pronunciation of Bryngwran and Gwalchmai. One of the Welsh Members present said he could have played them if he had had his harp with him.
poem.
CHARIVARIA. We were glad to see that two of our most important Universities were again successful in obtaining first and second places in this year's boat-race. (As this was written before the race we crave the indulgence of our readers if our prophecy should prove incorrect.)
The rumour that Mr. Mallaby-Deeley, M.P., will be asked to design a new uniform for the Royal Air Force is without foundation.
"Should uglier husbands have heavier damages?" was a question raised in a recent divorce action. The better opinion is that the fact that the ugly man must have gone out of his way to get married should tell against him.
Signs of Spring are everywhere. A couple of telephone mechanics have made their nest on the roof of a house in West Kensington.
"Quite a lot of American bacon is being smoked in London," says a news item. We are glad they have found a use for it, but at the risk of appearing fastidious we must say we much prefer Havannah tobacco.
The Variety Artists' Federation has passed a resolution against the engagement of Germans in the profession. With yet another avenue of industry closed against him General Ludendorff is said to be contemplating a dignified retirement.
Bradford Corporation is selling white collars to its citizens at sixpence a-piece. How the Labour Party proposes to combat this subtle form of capitalist propaganda is not known.
"I have been knocked down twice by the same bus, but fortunately have sustained no serious injury," stated a plaintiff at a London police-court the other day. The bus in question, we understand, will be given one more try, and in the event of failure will be debarred from all further contests of the same nature.
 htod olliobd gerpS  gnirevosih e wireat LauPoet nebgaiacn ello erthea wermmSuf  eht ,keew tsal 
It seems a pity that eight of the nine bricklayers who entered for the recent brick-laying contest should have collapsed, allowing the ninth an easy walk-over with seven bricks to his credit.
Statistics show a remarkable increase in the Welsh birthrate as compared with previous years. As usual, nothing is being done about it.
There are several ways, says Sir James Mackenzie, the eminent specialist, of tracing heart weakness. One way is to charge the owner of the heart seven-and-six for a pound of butter. If he faints he has a weak heart; if he pays he is merely weak in the head.
A Bill has been introduced in the New York Legislature to confine the headlines in murder cases to thirty-six points. The limit for international headliners is still fourteen points.
The Government, says a contemporary, is about to start growing tobacco in Norfolk. Whether it is to be sold as Coalition Mixture or Carlton Club has not yet been decided.
The Royal Academy have issued a notice that frames other than gilt will be admissible this year. Many people, it is thought, who never felt attracted by the old-fashioned gilt frames will now visit the exhibition.
An auctioneer's clerk has been summoned for throwing a bun at a railway buffet waitress. It was a thoughtless thing to do. He might have broken it.
We have just heard of a Scottish engineer who has decided to strike out along novel lines. Although only twenty-two years of age he has arranged to settle down in Scotland.
Taxi-Driver(who has been paid the correct fare). "You've forgotten something, gov'nor." Fare."What is it?" Taxi-Driver."Your address. I might want another mascot some day."
From a fashion-advertisement:— "Paris Moves the Waist-Line."American Paper. But it is believed that the young man's strong right arm will succeed in rediscovering it.
To-day I left my downy lair An hour before my wont; But do I consequently wear An unctuous smile? I don't. If with the early lark's ascent I soared from out my bed, it Is to an Act of Parliament That I must give the credit. When I escape, in butter's dearth, The fault of waxing fat, Calmly I view my modest girth And take no praise for that; Not mine the glory when my soul Abjures its ruling passion; 'Tis his, the lord of Food-control, Who fixed my sugar-ration. Hampered by regulations for The chastisement of crime— Arson and theft and marrying more Than one wife at a time— I like to feel some sins there be For which the law can't hurt you, In whose regard your heart is free To follow vice or virtue. Of one temptation I rejoice Especially to think, That leaves me loose to take my choice— My reference is to Drink; Here, where as yet no rules apply By Pussyfeet dictated, The merit's mine whenever I Am not inebriated.
O. S.
"SUMMER-TIME"
(with some moral reflections).
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