Remarks
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Remarks

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The Project Gutenberg EBook of Remarks, by Bill NyeCopyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the copyright laws for your country before downloadingor redistributing this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook.This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do notchange or edit the header without written permission.Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of thisfile. Included is important information about your specific rights and restrictions in how the file may be used. You can alsofind out about how to make a donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved.**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts****eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971*******These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!*****Title: RemarksAuthor: Bill NyeRelease Date: June, 2005 [EBook #8220] [Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] [This file was first postedon July 3, 2003]Edition: 10Language: English*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK REMARKS ***Produced by Charles Franks, Beth Trapaga and the Online Distributed Proofreading TeamREMARKSBy BILL NYE.(EDGAR W. NYE.)Ah Sin was his name;And I shall not deny,In regard to the same,What the name might imply:But his smile it was pensive and childlike,As I frequent remarked to Bill Nye.—Bret Harte.With ...

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Published 08 December 2010
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The Project Gutenberg EBook of Remarks, by Bill
Nye
Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be
sure to check the copyright laws for your country
before downloading or redistributing this or any
other Project Gutenberg eBook.
This header should be the first thing seen when
viewing this Project Gutenberg file. Please do not
remove it. Do not change or edit the header
without written permission.
Please read the "legal small print," and other
information about the eBook and Project
Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is
important information about your specific rights and
restrictions in how the file may be used. You can
also find out about how to make a donation to
Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved.
**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla
Electronic Texts**
**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By
Computers, Since 1971**
*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands
of Volunteers!*****
Title: RemarksAuthor: Bill Nye
Release Date: June, 2005 [EBook #8220] [Yes, we
are more than one year ahead of schedule] [This
file was first posted on July 3, 2003]
Edition: 10
Language: English
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG
EBOOK REMARKS ***
Produced by Charles Franks, Beth Trapaga and
the Online Distributed Proofreading TeamREMARKS
By BILL NYE.
(EDGAR W. NYE.)
Ah Sin was his name;
And I shall not deny,
In regard to the same,
What the name might imply:
But his smile it was pensive and childlike,
As I frequent remarked to Bill Nye.
—Bret Harte.
With over one hundred and fifty illustrations, by
J.H. SMITH.
[Illustration]
[Illustration: Bill Nye]
DIRECTIONS.
This book is not designed specially for any one
class of people. It is for all. It is a universal
repository of thought. Some of my best thoughts
are contained in this book. Whenever I would thinka thought that I thought had better remain
unthought, I would omit it from this book. For that
reason the book is not so large as I had intended.
When a man coldly and dispassionately goes at it
to eradicate from his work all that may not come
up to his standard of merit, he can make a large
volume shrink till it is no thicker than the bank book
of an outspoken clergyman.
This is the fourth book that I have published in
response to the clamorous appeals of the public.
Whenever the public got to clamoring too loudly for
a new book from me and it got so noisy that I could
not ignore it any more, I would issue another
volume. The first was a red book, succeeded by a
dark blue volume, after which I published a green
book, all of which were kindly received by the
American people, and, under the present yielding
system of international copyright, greedily snapped
up by some of the tottering dynasties.
But I had long hoped to publish a larger, better
and, if possible, a redder book than the first; one
that would contain my better thoughts, thoughts
that I had thought when I was feeling well; thoughts
that I had emitted while my thinker was rearing up
on its hind feet, if I may be allowed that term;
thoughts that sprang forth with a wild whoop and
demanded recognition.
This book is the result of that hope and that wish. It
is my greatest and best book. It is the one that will
live for weeks after other books have passed away.
Even to those who cannot read, it will come like abenison when there is no benison in the house. To
the ignorant, the pictures will be pleasing. The wise
will revel in its wisdom, and the housekeeper will
find that with it she may easily emphasize a
statement or kill a cockroach.
The range of subjects treated in this book is
wonderful, even to me. It is a library of universal
knowledge, and the facts contained in it are
different from any other facts now in use. I have
carefully guarded, all the way through, against
using hackneyed and moth-eaten facts. As a
result, I am able to come before the people with a
set of new and attractive statements, so fresh and
so crisp that an unkind word would wither them in a
moment.
I believe there is nothing more to add, except that I
most heartily endorse the book. It has been
carefully read over by the proof-reader and myself,
so we do not ask the public to do anything that we
were not willing to do ourselves.
I cannot be responsible for the board of orphans
whose parents read this book and leave their
children in destitute circumstances.
Bill Nye
CONTENTS.
About GeologyAbout Portraits
A Bright Future for Pugilism
Absent Minded
A Calm
Accepting the Laramie Postoffice
A Circular
A Collection of Keys
A Convention
A Father's Advice to his Son
A Father's Letter
A Goat in a Frame
A Great Spiritualist
A Great Upheaval
A Journalistic Tenderfoot
A Letter of Regrets
All About Menials
All About Oratory
Along Lake Superior
A Lumber Camp
A Mountain Snowstorm
Anatomy
Anecdotes of Justice
Anecdotes of the Stage
A New Autograph Album
A New Play
An Operatic Entertainment
Answering an Invitation
Answers to Correspondents
A Peaceable Man
A Picturesque Picnic
A Powerful Speech
Archimedes
A Resign
Arnold WinkelreidAsking for a Pass
A Spencerian Ass
Astronomy
A Thrilling Experience
A Wallula Night
B. Franklin, Deceased
Biography of Spartacus
Boston Common and Environs
Broncho Sam
Bunker Hill
Care of House Plants
Catching a Buffalo
Causes for Thanksgiving
Chinese Justice
Christopher Columbus
Come Back
Concerning Book Publishing
Concerning Coroners
Crowns and Crowned Heads
Daniel Webster
Dessicated Mule
Dogs and Dog Days
Doosedly Dilatory
"Done It A-Purpose"
Down East Rum
Dr. Dizart's Dog
Drunk in a Plug Hat
Early Day Justice
Eccentricities of Genius
Eccentricity in Lunch
Etiquette at Hotels
Every Man His Own Paper-Hanger
Extracts from a Queen's Diary
Farming in MaineFavored a Higher Fine
Fifteen Years Apart
Flying Machines
General Sheridan's Horse
George the Third
Great Sacrifice of Bric-a-Brac
Habits of a Literary Man
"Heap Brain"
History of Babylon
Hours With Great Men
How Evolution Evolves
In Acknowledgment
Insomnia in Domestic Animals
In Washington
"I Spy"
I Tried Milling
John Adams
John Adams' Diary
John Adams' Diary, (No. 2.)
John Adams' Diary, (No. 3.)
Knights of the Pen
Letter from New York
Letter to a Communist
Life Insurance as a Health Restorer
Literary Freaks
Lost Money
Lovely Horrors
Man Overbored
Mark Antony
Milling in Pompeii
Modern Architecture
More Paternal Correspondence
Mr. Sweeney's Cat
Murray and the MormonsMush and Melody
My Dog
My Experience as an Agriculturist
My Lecture Abroad
My Mine
My Physician
My School Days
Nero
No More Frontier
On Cyclones
One Kind of Fool
Our Forefathers
Parental Advice
Petticoats at the Polls
Picnic Incidents
Plato
Polygamy as a Religious Duty
Preventing a Scandal
Railway Etiquette
Recollections of Noah Webster
Rev. Mr. Hallelujah's Hoss
Roller Skating
Rosalinde
Second Letter to the President
She Kind of Coaxed Him
Shorts
Sixty Minutes in America
Skimming the Milky Way
Somnambulism and Crime
Spinal Meningitis
Spring
Squaw Jim
Squaw Jim's Religion
Stirring Incidents at a Fire