The Amateur Gentleman
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The Amateur Gentleman

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**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts**
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Title: The Amateur Gentleman
Author: Jeffery Farnol et al
Release Date: February, 2006 [EBook #9879] [This file was first posted on October 27, 2003]
Edition: 10
Language: English
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE AMATEUR GENTLEMAN ***
E-text prepared by Juliet Sutherland, Robert Prince, and the Project Gutenberg Online Distribulted Proofreading Team
THE AMATEUR GENTLEMAN
BY
JEFFERY FARNOL
AUTHOR OF "THE BROAD HIGHWAY"
WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY
HERMAN PFEIFER TO MY FATHER WHO HAS EVER CHOSEN THE
"HARDER WAY," WHICH IS A PATH ...

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Published 08 December 2010
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The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Amateur
Gentleman, by Jeffery Farnol et al
Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be
sure to check the copyright laws for your country
before downloading or redistributing this or any
other Project Gutenberg eBook.
This header should be the first thing seen when
viewing this Project Gutenberg file. Please do not
remove it. Do not change or edit the header
without written permission.
Please read the "legal small print," and other
information about the eBook and Project
Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is
important information about your specific rights and
restrictions in how the file may be used. You can
also find out about how to make a donation to
Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved.
**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla
Electronic Texts**
**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By
Computers, Since 1971**
*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands
of Volunteers!*****
Title: The Amateur Gentleman
Author: Jeffery Farnol et al
Release Date: February, 2006 [EBook #9879] [This
file was first posted on October 27, 2003]
Edition: 10
Language: English
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG
EBOOK, THE AMATEUR GENTLEMAN ***
E-text prepared by Juliet Sutherland, Robert
Prince, and the Project Gutenberg Online
Distribulted Proofreading TeamTHE AMATEUR
GENTLEMAN
BY
JEFFERY FARNOL
AUTHOR OF "THE BROAD HIGHWAY"
WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY
HERMAN PFEIFER
TO MY FATHER WHO
HAS EVER CHOSEN
THE "HARDER WAY,"
WHICH IS A PATH
THAT CAN BE
TRODDEN ONLY BY
THE FOOT OF A MANCONTENTS
CHAPTER
I In which Barnabas Knocks Down his Father,
though as Dutifully as
may be.
II In which is Much Unpleasing Matter regarding
Silk Purses, Sows'
Ears, Men, and Gentlemen.
III How Barnabas Set Out for London Town.
IV How Barnabas Fell In with a Pedler of Books,
and Purchased a
"Priceless Wollum".
V In which the Historian Sees Fit to Introduce a
Lady of Quality;
and Further Narrates How Barnabas Tore a
Wonderful Bottle-green
Coat.
VI Of the Bewitchment of Black Eyelashes; and
of a Fateful Lace
Handkerchief
VII In which may be Found Divers Rules and
Maxims for the Art of
Bowing.
VIII Concerning the Captain's Arm, the Bo'sun's
Leg, and the
"Belisarius," Seventy-four.
IX Which Concerns Itself, among Other
Matters, with the Virtues
of a Pair of Stocks and the Perversity of
Fathers.
X Which Describes a Peripatetic Conversation.
XI In which Fists are Clenched; and of a Selfish
Man, who was an
Apostle of Peace.
XII Of the Stranger's Tale, which, being Short,
may perhaps Meet
with the Reader's Kind Approbation.
XIII In which Barnabas Makes a Confession.
XIV Concerning the Buttons of One Milo of
Crotona.
XV In which the Patient Reader may Learn
Something of the Gentleman in the Jaunty
Hat.
XVI In which Barnabas Engages One without a
Character.XVII In which Barnabas Parts Company with the
Person of Quality.
XVIII How Barnabas Came to Oakshott's Barn.
XIX Which Tells How Barnabas Talks with my
Lady Cleone for the
Second Time.
XX Of the Prophecy of One Billy Button, a
Madman.
XXI In which Barnabas Undertakes a Mission.
XXII In which the Reader is Introduced to an
Ancient Finger-post.
XXIII How Barnabas Saved his Life—because he
was Afraid.
XXIV Which Relates Something of the "White Lion"
at Tenterden.
XXV Of the Coachman's Story.
XXVI Concerning the Duties of a Valet—and a
Man.
XXVII How Barnabas Bought an Unridable Horse—
and Rode it.
XXVIII Concerning, among Other Things, the Legs
of a
Gentleman-in-powder.
XXIX Which Describes Something of the
Misfortunes of Ronald
Barrymaine.
XXX In which Ronald Barrymaine Makes his
Choice.
XXXI Which Describes some of the Evils of
Vindictiveness.
XXXII Of Corporal Richard Roe, late of the
Grenadiers; and Further
Concerning Mr. Shrig's Little Reader.
XXXIII Concerning the Duty of Fathers; more
Especially the
Viscount's "Roman".
XXXIV Of the Luck of Captain Slingsby, of the
Guards.
XXXV How Barnabas Met Jasper Gaunt, and what
Came of It.
XXXVI Of an Ethical Discussion, which the Reader
is Advised to Skip.
XXXVII In which the Bo'sun Discourses on Love
and its Symptoms.
XXXVIII How Barnabas Climbed a Wall. XXXIX In which the Patient Reader is Introduced
to an Almost Human
Duchess.
XL Which Relates Sundry Happenings at the
Garden Fête.
XLI In which Barnabas Makes a Surprising
Discovery, that may not
Surprise the Reader in the Least.
XLII In which shall be Found Further Mention of a
Finger-post.
XLIII In which Barnabas Makes a Bet, and
Receives a Warning.
XLIV Of the Tribulations of the Legs of the
Gentleman-in-powder.
XLV How Barnabas Sought Counsel of the
Duchess.
XLVI Which Concerns Itself with Small Things in
General, and a
Pebble in Particular.
XLVII How Barnabas Found his Manhood.
XLVIII In which "The Terror," Hitherto Known as
"Four-Legs,"
Justifies his New Name.
XLIX Which, being Somewhat Important, is
Consequently Short.
L In which Ronald Barrymaine Speaks his Mind.
LI Which Tells How and Why Mr. Shrig's Case was
Spoiled.
LII Of a Breakfast, a Roman Parent, and a Kiss.
LIII In which shall be Found some Account of the
Gentleman's
Steeplechase.
LIV Which Concerns itself Chiefly with a Letter.
LV Which Narrates Sundry Happenings at
Oakshott's Barn.
LVI Of the Gathering of the Shadows.
LVII Being a Parenthetical Chapter on Doubt,
which, though
Uninteresting, is very Short.
LVIII How Viscount Devenham Found him a
Viscountess.
LIX Which Relates, among other Things, How
Barnabas Lost his Hat.
LX Which Tells of a Reconciliation.LXI How Barnabas Went to his Triumph.
LXII Which Tells How Barnabas Triumphed in Spite
of All.
LXIII Which Tells How Barnabas Heard the Ticking
of a Clock.
LXIV Which Shows Something of the Horrors of
Remorse.
LXV Which Tells How Barnabas Discharged his
Valet.
LXVI Of Certain Con-clusions Drawn by Mr. Shrig.
LXVII Which Gives some Account of the Worst
Place in the World.
LXVIII Concerning the Identity of Mr. Bimby's
Guest.
LXIX How Barnabas Led a Hue and Cry.
LXX Which Tells How Barnabas Rode Another
Race.
LXXI Which Tells How Barnabas, in his Folly,
Chose the Harder Course.
LXXII How Ronald Barrymaine Squared his
Account.
LXXIII Which Recounts Three Awakenings.
LXXIV How the Duchess Made up her Mind, and
Barnabas Did the Like.
LXXV Which Tells Why Barnabas Forgot his
Breakfast.
LXXVI How the Viscount Proposed a Toast.
LXXVII How Barnabas Rode Homewards, and
Took Counsel of a Pedler
of Books.
LXXVIII Which Tells How Barnabas Came Home
Again, and How he Awoke
for the Fourth Time.
ILLUSTRATIONS
Barnabas frowned, tore the letter across in sudden
fury, and looked up to find Cleone frowning also."Man Jack, 't is proud you should be to lie there."
"Oh, sir, I grieve to disappoint you," said she, and
rose.
"Let me pass, I warn you!" For a minute they
fronted each other, eye to eye.
"But this is murder—positive murder!" cried Mr.
Dalton.
Sir Mortimer paused, and with a sudden gesture
tore the rose from his coat and tossed it away.
"So you meant to buy me, sir, as you would a
horse or dog?"
All at once, Sir Mortimer was on his feet and had
caught up a heavy riding-whip.
Barnabas espied a face amid the hurrying throng
CHAPTER I
IN WHICH BABNABAS KNOCKS DOWN HIS
FATHER, THOUGH AS DUTIFULLY AS MAY BE
John Barty, ex-champion of England and landlord
of the "Coursing Hound," sat screwed round in his
chair with his eyes yet turned to the door that had
closed after the departing lawyer fully five minutes
ago, and his eyes were wide and blank, and his
mouth (grim and close-lipped as a rule) gaped,
becoming aware of which, he closed it with a snap,
and passed a great knotted fist across his brow.
"Barnabas," said he slowly, "I beant asleep an'
dreaming be I,
Barnabas?"
"No, father!"
"But—seven—'undred—thousand—pound. It were
seven—'undred thousand pound, weren't it,
Barnabas?"
"Yes, father!"
"Seven—'undred—thou—! No! I can't believe it,
Barnabas my bye."
"Neither can I, father," said Barnabas, still staring
down at the papers which littered the table before
him."Nor I aren't a-going to try to believe it, Barnabas."
"And yet—here it is, all written down in black and
white, and you heard what Mr. Crabtree said?"
"Ah,—I heered, but arter all Crabtree's only a
lawyer—though a good un as lawyers go, always
been honest an' square wi' me—leastways I 've
never caught him trying to bamboozle John Barty
yet—an' what the eye don't ob-serve the heart
don't grieve, Barnabas my bye, an' there y'are. But
seven 'undred thousand pound is coming it a bit
too strong—if he'd ha' knocked off a few 'undred
thousand I could ha' took it easier Barnabas, but,
as it is—no, Barnabas!"
"It's a great fortune!" said Barnabas in the same
repressed tone and with his eyes still intent.
"Fortun'," repeated the father, "fortun'—it's fetched
me one in the ribs—low, Barnabas, low!—it's took
my wind an' I'm a-hanging on to the ropes, lad.
Why, Lord love me! I never thought as your uncle
Tom 'ad it in him to keep hisself from starving, let
alone make a fortun'! My scapegrace brother Tom
—poor Tom as sailed away in a emigrant ship
(which is a un-common bad kind of a ship to sail in
—so I've heered, Barnabas) an' now, to think as he
went an' made all that fortun'—away off in Jamaiky
—out o' vegetables."
"And lucky speculation, father—!"
"Now, Barnabas," exclaimed his father, beginning
to rasp his fingers to and fro across his great,
square, shaven chin, "why argufy? Your uncle Tom
was a planter—very well! Why is a man a planter—
because he plants things, an' what should a man
plant but vegetables? So Barnabas, vegetables I
says, an' vegetables I abide by, now an' hereafter.
Seven 'undred thousand pound all made in
Jamaiky—out o' vegetables—an' there y' are!"
Here John Barty paused and sat with his chin 'twixt
finger and thumb in expectation of his son's
rejoinder, but finding him silent, he presently
continued:
"Now what astonishes an' fetches me a leveller as
fair doubles me up is—why should my brother Tom
leave all this money to a young hop o' me thumb
like you, Barnabas? you, as he never see but once
and you then a infant (and large for your age) in
your blessed mother's arms, Barnabas, a-kicking
an' a-squaring away wi' your little pink fists as
proper as ever I seen inside the Ring or out. Ah,
Barnabas!" sighed his father shaking his head at
him, "you was a promising infant, likewise a
promising bye; me an' Natty Bell had great hopes
of ye, Barnabas; if you'd been governed by me and
Natty Bell you might ha' done us all proud in the
Prize Ring. You was cut out for the 'Fancy.' Why,
Lord! you might even ha' come to be Champion o'
England in time—you 're the very spit o' what I waswhen I beat the Fighting Quaker at Dartford thirty
years ago."
"But you see, father—"
"That was why me an' Natty Bell took you in hand
—learned you all we knowed o' the game—an'
there aren't a fighting man in all England as knows
so much about the Noble Art as me an' Natty Bell."
"But father—"
"If you 'd only followed your nat'ral gifts, Barnabas,
I say you might ha' been Champion of England to-
day, wi' Markisses an' Lords an' Earls proud to
shake your hand—if you'd only been ruled by Natty
Bell an' me, I'm disappointed in ye, Barnabas—an'
so's Natty Bell."
"I'm sorry, father—but as I told you—"
"Still Barnabas, what ain't to be, ain't—an' what is,
is. Some is born wi' a nat'ral love o' the 'Fancy' an'
gift for the game, like me an' Natty Bell—an' some
wi' a love for reading out o' books an' a-cyphering
into books—like you: though a reader an' a writer
generally has a hard time on it an' dies poor—
which, arter all, is only nat'ral—an' there y' are!"
Here John Barty paused to take up the tankard of
ale at his elbow, and pursed up his lips to blow off
the foam, but in that moment, observing his son
about to speak, he immediately set down the ale
untasted and continued:
"Not as I quarrels wi' your reading and writing,
Barnabas, no, and because why? Because reading
and writing is apt to be useful now an' then, and
because it were a promise—as I made—to—your
mother. When—your mother were alive, Barnabas,
she used to keep all my accounts for me. She
likewise larned me to spell my own name wi' a
capital G for John, an' a capital B for Barty, an'
when she died, Barnabas (being a infant, you don't
remember), but when she died, lad! I was that lost
—that broke an' helpless, that all the fight were
took out o' me, and it's a wonder I didn't throw up
the sponge altogether. Ah! an' it's likely I should ha'
done but for Natty Bell."
"Yes, father—"
"No man ever 'ad a better friend than Natty Bell—
Ah! yes, though I did beat him out o' the
Championship which come very nigh breaking his
heart at the time, Barnabas; but—as I says to him
that day as they carried him out of the ring—it was
arter the ninety-seventh round, d' ye see,
Barnabas—'what is to be, is, Natty Bell,' I says, 'an'
what ain't, ain't. It were ordained,' I says, 'as I
should be Champion o' England,' I says—'an' as
you an' me should be friends—now an' hereafter,' I
says—an' right good friends we have been, as you
know, Barnabas."

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