One Fine Day
91 Pages
English
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One Fine Day

Downloading requires you to have access to the YouScribe library
Learn all about the services we offer
91 Pages
English

Description

One Fine Day DAVID LETTERMAN Here's what it is. I heard that my, my son David Jr., you met Dave Jr. on the last -- This is great news. I heard now, I was notified Sunday that David Jr. will be tried as a juvenile for grand theft auto. VOICE Dial 911. SAMMY Mommy. Mom? MELANIE Hmm? SAMMY I'm really thirsty, Mommy. MELANIE Okay. MELANIE Okay? Okay, sweetie. Mmm. Good night. SAMMY Wait! There's one more sip left. MELANIE Half a sip. You don't need it. Good night. SAMMY I do need it. I do need it, Mommy. MELANIE Okay. Now, good night for real, okay? SAMMY Good night, Mom. MELANIE Night-night, honey. SAMMY I'm really excited about the field trip tomorrow. I love big boats. MELANIE That's good. SAMMY The Circle Line is big, right? MELANIE Yeah. SAMMY Good. Mom? MELANIE Shhh. Sleepy time now. SAMMY Is Daddy coming to my soccer game tomorrow? MELANIE He's gonna try, Sammy. Honey, do you remember when I explained to you that daddy has a, uh, different schedule than a lot of other daddies? SAMMY Yeah. MELANIE Well, musicians, they don't always know exactly when they're gonna get a chance to play? So, uh, there's a chance he might not come tomorrow. SAMMY But he's gonna try? MELANIE Yeah, he's gonna try. I love you a million, billion, zillion. SAMMY Do you love him? Huh, Mommy? MELANIE I will always love your daddy because he gave me you. Now go to sleep. SAMMY I can't sleep, Mom. I had a bad dream. MELANIE In just two minutes, you already fell asleep and had a bad dream? MELANIE Ow!

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Reads 10
Language English

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One Fine Day
DAVID LETTERMAN

Here's what it is. I heard that my, my son David Jr., you met Dave Jr. on the last -- This is great news. I heard now, I was notified Sunday that David Jr. will be tried as a juvenile for grand theft auto.

VOICE

Dial 911.

SAMMY

Mommy. Mom?

MELANIE

Hmm?

SAMMY

I'm really thirsty, Mommy.

MELANIE

Okay.

MELANIE

Okay? Okay, sweetie. Mmm. Good night.

SAMMY

Wait! There's one more sip left.

MELANIE

Half a sip. You don't need it. Good night.

SAMMY

I do need it. I do need it, Mommy.

MELANIE

Okay. Now, good night for real, okay?

SAMMY

Good night, Mom.

MELANIE

Night-night, honey.

SAMMY

I'm really excited about the field trip tomorrow. I love big boats.

MELANIE

That's good.

SAMMY

The Circle Line is big, right?

MELANIE

Yeah.

SAMMY

Good. Mom?

MELANIE

Shhh. Sleepy time now.

SAMMY

Is Daddy coming to my soccer game tomorrow?

MELANIE

He's gonna try, Sammy. Honey, do you remember when I explained to you that daddy has a, uh, different schedule than a lot of other daddies?

SAMMY

Yeah.

MELANIE

Well, musicians, they don't always know exactly when they're gonna get a chance to play? So, uh, there's a chance he might not come tomorrow.

SAMMY

But he's gonna try?

MELANIE

Yeah, he's gonna try. I love you a million, billion, zillion.

SAMMY

Do you love him? Huh, Mommy?

MELANIE

I will always love your daddy because he gave me you. Now go to sleep.

SAMMY

I can't sleep, Mom. I had a bad dream.

MELANIE

In just two minutes, you already fell asleep and had a bad dream?

MELANIE

Ow! Oh, sweetie. Oh, shoot.

RADIO

I don't even think I knew her. No, I had no idea. I divorced her.

KRISTEN

Hi, Jack.

MAGGIE

Dad!

JACK

Hi.

MAGGIE

Hi, Daddy!

JACK

Hey! I got you! Watch your step.

KRISTEN

Maggie, be careful!

MAGGIE

I do it all the time, Mom.

JACK

Does it all the time.

KRISTEN

I can't believe you still haven't gotten the plumbing fixed, Jack.

JACK

So what's up, Kristen?

KRISTEN

Um, well, you know that, um, me and Greg got married last Saturday.

JACK

Oh, yeah. How's Greg?

KRISTEN

He's downstairs waiting in the car. Waiting with an ulcer hoping you'll say yes. I need you to watch Maggie for me.

JACK

Okay. Yeah, I can do that till about six. Would that help?

MAGGIE

No.

KRISTEN

Well--

MAGGIE

For the whole week, Daddy. The whole week.

KRISTEN

We were scheduled t-to leave this morning on our honeymoon, but our Nanny called to say t-that, that she's gotta go watch her mother have a benign tumor removed in Ohio. Greg's parents are too old, mine-mine are t-too, too crazy, yours are dead. The tickets are nonrefundable, so that leaves you.

JACK

Okay.

KRISTEN

Please, Jack, do this. Please!

JACK

Kristen. Now you liten. I would love to, but you know, I'm-I'm working on a story right now. So--

KRISTEN

You're always working on a story.

JACK

Well, yeah. It's what I do.

KRISTEN

It's the same, old one about an every- other-weekend good-time father for whom responsibility is a dirty word.

JACK

Here's a hint, Kristen? During an attempted manipulation like the one that's in progress, I would've gone with flattery.

KRISTEN

Why do I always have to be such grownup where you always get to be the little boy?

JACK

'Cause in the beginning of the relationship when we were choosing upsides, you chose grownup first. This is how you really want it, Kristen.

KRISTEN

No, what I really want is -- just once - - for you to make a sacrifice in your career for your daughter. She really want to be with you, Jack.

JACK

I'd really like to do that. Come here, my little-- Come on. Come here, my little noodle. I'm a creature. Grrr!

MELANIE

Go pee, wash your hands and face, and brush your teeth. We're in a little bit of a hurry this morning, 'cause we have to take your friend Maggie to school. And we can't be late because of your field trip.

SAMMY

I hate Maggie. She thinks she's so funny.

JACK

Maggie?

KRISTEN

Hey, Jack, here's Maggie's doctor's number.

JACK

Where are you?

KRISTEN

And the number of a really good baby- sitter who can help you out tomorrow. She's got a walk-on part on a soap today. And, Jack, there's one last thing. This is really important. My neighbor was supposed to take Maggie to the Westside Montessori School for me this morning. Okay? She lives in my building. Jack.

JACK

Upp. Hupp!

KRISTEN

Jack? Apartment 501. This is her number.

JACK

Okay.

KRISTEN

Her name is Melanie Parker.

JACK

Melanie Parker.

KRISTEN

Now, if you want her to take Maggie to school for you -- if you want her to take Maggie to school for you, bring Maggie to her house before eight, so you don't miss them. If not, call Mel and let her know that you don't need her to take Maggie. Jack, okay?

KRISTEN

I'm gonna miss my plane. You know, I don't think this is a very good idea. Maybe I should just cancel my honeymoon.

JACK

Don't cancel your honeymoon. Give me these.

KRISTEN

Are you sure?

JACK

Yep.

KRISTEN

Okay. Uh, those are the telephone numbers.

JACK

Say hi to Greg.

KRISTEN

Bye, baby!

MAGGIE

Bye!

JACK

Bye, baby. Bye, baby! Oh, baby, oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

SAMMY

Come on, Mom.

MELANIE

Okay. Press 2, honey.

SAMMY

What? Ah!

MELANIE

Wonder where they are.

JACK

Some more? We got s'mores, but we're gonna need some more. We're having a Manhattan camp-out.

SAMMY

Why don't you bang on the door?

MELANIE

We can't bang on the door of honeymooners.

JACK

What time does your school start?

MAGGIE

I don't know.

JACK

It probably starts at 9:00. Everything starts at 9:00. You know, we're gonna get there a few minutes early just to be safe. What's street your school on?

MAGGIE

I don't know.

JACK

Ha. We're in trouble.

SAMMY

I'm gonna miss the boat trip, aren't I?

MELANIE

They're never gonna leave on time. We'll make it. I promise.

MELANIE

Let's run. Just in case.

SAMMY

What's it say?

JACK

"The whole school is on the Circle Line. Sorry we missed you." That's a big "uh- oh," right?

SAMMY

Mom?

MELANIE

You must be Kristen's ex-husband.

MAGGIE

Hi, Sammy.

SAMMY

Hi, Maggie.

JACK

You must be, uh--

JACK

Okay. You're not, uh, Sheila, the actress/baby-sitter, you're not Maggie's pediatrician, Dr. Feldman. Hey, here you go. "You don't forget to call Melanie Parker." It's underlined three times. We're not quite together this morning. I'm sorry. What do you mean, I must be Kristen's ex-husband?

MELANIE

Well, that's Kristen's daughter and this is a totally ex-husband thing to do.

JACK

Well, you would know because that's a totally ex-wife remark.

MELANIE

You know, I have a day. Taxi! Taxi!

JACK

Get those fish. Let's go. Come on.

MAGGIE

Dad!

JACK

Hold it! Got it! Come on! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Hey, you forgot your fish! Take those.

MELANIE

Pier 56, please as fast as you can.

SAMMY

I don't wanna sit next to Maggie.

MAGGIE

I don't wanna sit next to Sammy.

JACK

Okay. Come on, let's go. Come on. Over the top. Could you please just take those? Thank you.

MELANIE

I don't know where you get off having an attitude since it's your fault that both our kids will probably miss their fielf trip.

JACK

Attitude.

MELANIE

You know, I'd rather you not take Central Park West. I think Broadway will be faster.

JACK

My attitude is derived from your attitude.

MELANIE

"Derived?" You must be a writer.

JACK

Let me guess. Your ex-husband is a writer.

MELANIE

No. My ex-husband is a musician.

JACK

Huh.

MELANIE

I don't need to see that. I already have an opining of you.

JACK

And I of you.

MELANIE

Liza. Liza, thank God you're home. Listen, I-I need to ask you a huge favor.

LIZA

Melanie? Is that you?

MELANIE

Yeah.

LIZA

You sound awful. Where are you? Don't answer. I can't talk right now. I'm on the other line organizing Kyle's Fun Run. Bye, honey.

MELANIE

No. No, no, no, no. No, wait. Don't hang up. I really need you--

LIZA

Oh. Ho ho! Ho ho! Oh, bye, honey.

LIZA

Hello? Hello?

MELANIE

Yeah, I'm here.

LIZA

What's the matter?

MELANIE

Well, there's this guy, who obviously thinks that a, uh, minor amount of charm replaces integrity and commitment, has, uh, not only ruined my day, but Sammy's as well. He's completely missed his field trip.

SAMMY

My Mom hates your dad.

MAGGIE

So? My Dad hates your mom.

SAMMY

So?

MAGGIE

So?

MELANIE

Liza?

JACK

Hey, it's me. Just wanted to know if you're wearing panties. What color are they?

LEW

Huh?

MAN

Lew, I need this photo approved now!

MELANIE

If I ever act interested in another man again, would you please shoot me? No, don't take 57th across!

JACK

Pink?

WOMAN

When is Jack getting in?

MELANIE

No, I will not leave Sammy at the 9th Street Drop-In Center, Liza.

LIZA

Why?

MELANIE

Because he hates it there. You're my sis, how can you not watch him for me? Look, I-I-I-I have to meet my boss in fifteen minutes, then I have this presentation which-which-which could add up to huge promotion for me. And-And you have no job, a Nanny, a cook and a housekeeper?

LIZA

The nanny is leaving to take Courtney to Mommy and me, Angela is cooking all day for our dinner party tonight, Berta is cleaning for our dinner party tonight, and I am working in the school office this morning.

MELANIE

Okay, what about later?

LIZA

Later I'm getting dressed for our party tonight. Mel, why don't you get a nanny?

MELANIE

Because I can't afford a nanny, Liza.

LEW

You're with a girl, aren't you? You dog, you. Ha ha!

JACK

A real superwoman. Can't open her door. Won't shut her mouth.

MELANIE

Excuse me, are you talking about me?

JACK

The First Lady. We're thinking about doing a piece on her.

MELANIE

No, you're insulted because I said that I had a presentation and that you don't work.

LIZA

I do work, Melanie. I'm the CEO of this household. I'm sorry if I can't help you out today, but you're perfect. You'll figure it out.

MELANIE

Okay. Okay. Bye. DRIVER I'm telling you, who do you think--

MELANIE

Right, right, right. Okay, okay, okay, okay! Stay with me. Stay with me. There are cars. Oh! Oh, thank God it's still here!

JACK

Come on. Let's go! Here we go! Come on!

MELANIE

This is it.

JACK

That's not it.

MELANIE

How do you know?