PROS AND CONS OF THE REWARDS

PROS AND CONS OF THE REWARDS

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PROS AND CONS OF THE REWARDS Recentlyhave been man therey discussions about whether it isgood or not to use external incentives or rewards to motivate our children, and for that reason I decided to write this article. This topic is as bigthe one as on whether we should usepunishments as a parentingtool. As with most things LQ OLIH EHWZHHQ WKH VROLG ³\HV´ RU ³QR´ or between black and white, there is an infinite number of shades. In order for anyone to evaluate and decide on the education of their child, they needto examine the issue in depth. We have to specifywhen we talk about that UHZDUGV ZH GRQ¶W RQO\ PHDQPDWHULDO WKLQJV $ UHZDUG Ln this regard can be a verbalpraise, admiration or an obtained approval. How to motivate behavior± this is the firstquestion I would like to discuss. There is no doubt± people do things that bringsomethin themg pleasant in return, a result, or we can also call it a ³UHZDUG´ ,W LV LPSRUWDQW WR NQRZ WKDW WKHUH DUH WZR GLIIHUHQW W\SHV RI UHZDUGV External reward, which could be something that the child might receive, or win; orInternal reward± a sense of accomplishment,pride, etc. More effective motivators are theInternal rewards. When we do somethingwe enjoy, we can do it over and over again without the need of a reward. However, in life we have to do things that we do not always enjoy, and in that case there is a need for an external incentive. Quite often the internal and external incentives are intertwined.

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Published 28 March 2017
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PROS AND CONS OF THE REWARDS©
Recentlyhave been man there ydiscussions about whether it isgood or not to use external incentives or rewards to motivate our children, and for that reason I decided to write this article. This topic is as bigthe one as on whether we should usepunishmentsas a parentingtool. As with most things in life, between the solid “yes” or “no”, or between black and white, there is an infinite number of shades. In order for anyone to evaluate and decide on the education of their child, they need to examine the issue in depth. We have to specifywhen we talk about that rewards we don’t only mean material things. A reward in this regard can be a verbalpraise, admiration or an obtained approval. How to motivate behaviorthis is the firstquestion I would like to discuss. There is no doubtpeople do things that bringsomethin them gpleasant in return, a result, or we can also call it a “reward”. It is important to know that there are two different types of rewards:External reward, which could be something that the child might receive, or win; orInternal rewarda sense of accomplishment,pride, etc. More effective motivators are theInternal rewards. When we do somethingwe enjoy, we can do it over and over again without the need of a reward. However, in life we have to do things that we do not always enjoy, and in that case there is a need for an external incentive. Quite often the internal and external incentives are intertwined. For example, the child puts their room in order, because Mom will be pleased(here we have an external incentiveMom’s approval) and as a consequence, the child will feelgood about themselves(an internal incentive or reward).
Although the child can get used to putting their room in order, because of the reasons we mentioned above, it is veryunlikelythat the child will feel anyjoyfrom the act itself. Often, the internal rewards such as satisfaction,pride, etc., are associated with receivingpositive feedback from our family or friends. In order to feel satisfaction or pride from our act, wejudge whether it is “good”, “valiant”, etc., based on our human values. In order to build a value system, theparent’s intervention is needed –at least at first. Theparent will need toguide their child and to teach them which behavior is “good” and which is “unacceptable”.How does theparent do that?Byexpressinga verbalpraise and approvalin psychology this is called “positive reinforcement”.Here we can complicate things further by introducingpunishments or “negative reinforcement”, but that is not the topic of this article. The conclusion so far is that motivation of human behavior is a combination of factors and we cannot draw the line between internal and external incentives such as denying one or the other.Our whole societyis based on the reward/punishment principle. The Mom’s and Dad’s “Well done” regarding grades in school (now their appropriateness has been discussed again),
athletes medals, diplomas, certificates, the “Like” button on Facebook.(IntentionallyI do not go back to the topic of punishments.)What about our monthlysalary, that is also an external incentive toperform an activity. But should we give it up? Why do we have to make the child listen at all, why should we impose on the little creature and require them to perform things?In search of alternatives to the directive approaches to education, many parents fall into the opposite extremeis nothing requiredfrom the child. However, as we alreadyblack and white decisions are often dan said, gerous. Yes, it is better to secure the child’s cooperation, but even with the most harmonious relationships there comes a time when the child firmlystates “No”, and when the parent has to decide whether to uphold their rule, or postpone their requirement until the moment when the child would be more kindly disposed and willingtoperform it.
Part of theparent’s role is to build authorityto set boundaries on behavior. These are two and aspects of the same thing. Part of the child’s “job” is to oppose and confront especially between the ages of 2-4 and duringpuberty. If we do notgive the child that opportunityto tryand test the boundaries, to tryshake them, to see if the and ystable, we are not doin are gfavor to our child! a The rules, boundaries are an important landmark. Theylike traffic li are ghts for adults a comfortable thingyou know when and what to do. Everyone has found themselves at an intersection with broken traffic lights and knows what happens! So the parent’sjob, whether theylike it or not, is to introduce demands to the child.
What could be wrong with rewards?I will start with the most important thing improper use of rewards or the so called external incentives in education, can bejust as harmful as the indiscriminate punishment. What are the dangers of the unmeasured use of rewards? Imagine thatyou have an activitya or hobby thatyou really enjoy doing. Now, imagine that someone startspayingyou for it, a minimal amount of money. You willprobably beglad, becauseyou enjoy whatyou do andyou aregettingpaid for it. And although it is not that much,you would have done the same thingwith or without the money. After a while though,you start to think thatyou are notgettingpaid enough foryour work. Let’s assume that they agree topayyou more. You are satisfied. But after a while, theyexplain to you that theyare no longer able to payyou for whatyou do.The question is“Willyou continue to do it?”. Several studies have shown that most likelyyou will not continue toperform the activitywithout apay. What happens? The initial intrinsic motivation has transformed into external; initiallyyou worked for pleasure and after thatyou started workingfor the money. It seems paradoxical, but it is a factin this case the reward spoils the joy of the activity. It is inappropriate to rewardyour child for things that he or she enjoys doing. It is inappropriate to reward twice for the same thing. There is another area where rewards must be used with caution. When we want to educate the child on values, it is better to not use material rewards. There is a risk for the child to learn that beinggood, honest, etc., is a waytoget somethingor is a means of an exchange. Values are taught bythe parents’personal example and if we have managed to instill them in our child, theya become regulator of behavior themselves.
How to reward? You can find outinformationregardingthat in“The Behavioral ModelingSystem™”the system was developed in a waythat allows theproper use of rewards. To find out the answer to that and more questions, please refer to the attached multimedia guide and book guide.